ihatemen.com
IvanaQ. What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A. A man’s undivided attention.
Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. “I can do better than this.”
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need…A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A. Dating children.
Q: Why do men have assholes?
A: So they won’t be total pricks.
Q: How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
A: It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a male insomniac?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A. It’s sad watching a grown man cry.
Q: Why did God create man in his own image?
A: Misery loves company.
Q: How can you tell that God is a woman?
A: If God were a man, he would have put the balls on the inside.
Q: What is a relationship?
A: A way to keep masturbation from getting boring.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: She didn’t. Her husband did.
Q: Why do men have a spine?
A: If they didn’t, they’d suck their dicks all day long.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: “It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it”?
Q: What’s the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his ass and the other is a chimpanzee.
Q: How do you make male archaeologist blush?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it is from.
Q: Why do most women not like threesomes involving two men?
A: There’s a limit to the incompetence a woman can handle.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
Q. How do men exercise at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A. A man.
Q. What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A. Castrated.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can’t stand criticism.
Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.
Q. What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A. No mind and no business.
Q. What’s the difference between a man and a messy room?
A. You can straighten up a messy room.
Q. What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
A. At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what’s in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Q. How did God create men?
A. She forgot to put the legs on snakes.
Q: When is a man at his smartest?
A: During sex, of course, because he’s plugged into a woman.
Q: What’s the downside to a threesome?
A: He can disappoint two women instead of one.
Q:Why do little boys whine?
A:They are practicing to be men.
Q:What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A:You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q:Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A:It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.