Latvijski vicevi (warning: bolno glupi ali su VRH!)

What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.

Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

Janis: I hope my son does not die during night.
Guntis: What is “hope”?
Janis: Yes. I know what you say.
Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope?
Janis: In truth, I do not know.

Why did chicken cross road?
I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents’ farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

But mother, I no are like grandma.
Eat anyway. Is no potato.

Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.

Latvian walk into bar with poodle under one arm and salami under other. Eat salami first.

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?

How is get one-arm Latvian out of tree?
Is no one-arm Latvian! Why you silly? All go Center for Great Peaceful Physical Reassignment. You no ask.

Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.

Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”

Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference?
Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat poop for pleasure not just survive. So many thing!

Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.

Little boy Janis Dipers is get trouble, school. After teacher is beat, make also stay detention all alone. While detention, teacher is get horny! Teacher and Janis is make sex. “Janis Dipers!” teacher shout! “But teacher,” Janis say, “I too hungry for energy do that.”

Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.

Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.”

Is Latvian couple have been marry 60 years! But for long times, is no making sex. For 60th wedding anniversary, wife is buy for husband hooker for the have sex! Hooker is arrive at door one fine day and is say to husband, “Hello! I here give you super sex!” Man is say, “Oh! I will have the soup.” Then hooker is say, “What? You have soup? Why you no told this?”

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

Three Latvian girl are walk down street. One have knife, one have gun, one have window. They are meet soldier. Soldier is ask first girl, “Why you are have knife?” “If you try rape me, I stab!” she say. Okay! Second girl, “Why you are have gun?” “If you try rape me, I shoot!” she say. Okay! Third girl, “Why you are have window?!?” “If you try rape me, I jump out!”

Latvian is capture by cannibals. Cannibals say, “We are kill you and eat you and use skin for canoe. But you may choose means of your death.” Latvian say, “Okay! You are give me fork, please!” But oops! Is forgot how use!